That comic makes me smile. :) Anyhoosie, it's been about a week since the transfer. I sense that I should give some sort of update, but there's not much to update on. lol. I had an awesome weekend of couch sitting and movie watching last weekend after the transfer was over. It was lovely. :) But Monday it was back to the usual routine of life. On the surface at least. :) I'm crampy, bloated, and trying to suppress the angst that continues to well up inside of me. I've been spending any free time I have at home watching IVF success stories on YouTube. Not sure if it's helping or hurting, but either way, I can't stop. lol don't know if I'm looking forward to getting the results or dreading them. I'm excited and terrified at the same time. It's emotionally confusing. ::sigh::
Allow me to introduce Miller Embie 1 & Miller Embie 2. :)
The transfer today went very well. :) To my pleasant surprise, the full bladder I was required to have was actually the most uncomfortable part of the procedure. ::sigh of relief:: As I'll explain in the video below, it turns out that the embryos were not in the best possible condition, so that was a little disappointing. But Dr. Q says they've got a fighting chance to keep growing, so we just have to keep praying for them. :)
This is the ultrasound picture of the embryos in my uterus-
Neither of the eggs that we attempted to fertilize yesterday actually turned into embryos. Sad day. We knew that two was a small number to begin with, but at the same time we didn't want to create life that we do not intend on actually bringing into the world. So fertilizing all 18 eggs that came out of me yesterday would have upped our odds of course, but it may have also given us 18 embryos that we wouldn't know what to do with. We were not comfortable taking that chance. But after the first two fresh eggs were not fertilized, we had to make the decision today on how many eggs we wanted to thaw and try to fertilize again. How do we statistically give ourselves a good shot at getting at least one embryo, while at the same time, not put ourselves in a situation of having too many? Good grief. We decided to try to fertilize four more. Dr. Q is hopeful that attempting to fertilize a total of 6 good quality eggs over the last couple days should give us an embryo or two. However, if none of them fertilize we have to cancel the cycle and wait till next month to try again.
I'm obviously going to be very disappointed if we have nothing to transfer this week. But I am comforted by the fact that we have another 12 eggs to work with next month if need be. At least that's what I'm feeling right now. If I get a call tomorrow saying we have nothing, who knows what kind of sobby mess I'm going to be. ::sigh::
This morning went better than expected. :) We got 18 eggs to work with! They fertilized two of those today, and froze the rest of the eggs just in case we need to try to fertilize another batch. I'll get a call tomorrow with an update on how the two we tried to fertilize are doing. I can't wait! I'm feeling pretty good. I ate, took a nap, filled a couple prescriptions, watched a movie, and just relaxed on the couch all day. No serious soreness or cramping, praise God. Thank you all for the prayers and text messages that I've gotten throughout the day. Ryan and I feel so loved and supported. <3 Below is a video of me waking up from the anesthesia for your viewing pleasure. :) lol
*17 was the original number we got. Dr. Q came in later and told us that we actually had 18 eggs.
My eggs are ready to be plucked faster than Dr. Q originally anticipated - retrieval is scheduled for Monday morning!! So many good things happened today at our appointment today. I feel so relieved, and yes, maybe even a bit excited. :)
Good news #1 - At this stage in the game, I was expected to take Cetrotide, which suppresses the hormone that releases eggs from the ovaries (LH). This way we ensure that my eggs are still there for the retrieval on Monday. The down side to that, is that it shuts down my natural hormone functions. After the transfer, I would have to artificially tell my body that it's pregnant through more hormone intake, instead of letting my body take over and do what it would naturally do. Dr. Q suggested that we consider opting out of taking Cetrotide, since he is confident that the eggs will not release on their own over the weekend. This way, my body is able to handle things more naturally and I do not have to take the inter muscular shots in my butt that I've been dreading so much. We're going to supplement my progesterone levels (the hormone that sustains pregnancy) with suppositories instead of more injections. ::high fives all around!::
Good news #2 - One of the things I've been most nervous about is the actual egg retrieval. Sedated or not, the idea of Dr. Q sticking a hollow needle into my ovaries and sucking out the eggs doesn't sound like it would be a fun time. I guess I just was not sure what to expect, how painful it might be, you know? Well, I found out today that they're going to totally put me under for the retrieval! I'm getting propofol, AKA Michael Jackson Juice. woohoo!
Good news #3- This whole time, I thought that the eggs would come out, we'd put two of them in separate pitri dishes with their sperm friends and we would wait to see what would come of it (this is called Conventional IVF). However, I learned today that Dr. Q actually uses a method called ICSI as a standard practice for his IVF patients. This is where a single sperm is actually injected into the egg, kind of forcing the fertilization to occur. Though it's not a guarantee by any means, it's an extra safeguard that we will actually have embryos to transfer into my uterus next week, and that is exciting to me. :)
Good news #4 - The walls in Dr. Q's new office are paper thin, and it took forever to get my blood drawn. Strange thing to get happy about isn't it? lol. Well, while my wonderful nurse diligently tried to find my collapsed veins, we got to hear what was going on in the room next to us. :) A couple who had successfully gotten pregnant with IVF came in to get their 6 week ultrasound. I heard the same thumping heartbeat that they were listening to, I heard them celebrate, I heard Dr. Q say "There's a second one!", I heard their excitement at the moment they found out they were having twins. I seriously wanted to open the door next and give them hugs! lol. They were blessed with the very thing that I am praying for, using the same means I'm about to. It thrilled my heart, and gave me a surge of hope that maybe this is actually going to work. :)
Anyhoo, that's the latest folks. See you on the other side of the egg retrieval! :)
You know you're an infertile nerd when you burst with pride at how skillfully you can stab yourself with a syringe. I totally caught myself doing that this week. lol. I'm seriously pretty good at filling those babies up and injecting with little to no pain. Although, I do think that my belly is starting to get tired of it, I'm having a harder time finding spots that aren't already tender. Maybe I'll switch to injecting into my leg in a few days to change it up.
Like I said in my last post, I added Menopur to my nightly mix this past Sunday. My body doesn't like it very much - I automatically felt a difference. It makes me feel kinda woosy in my head all the time, and I've become somewhat...uhm...emotionally unstable. Happy, sad, irritated, hungry, tired, confused, sad again. Fun stuff, I tell ya. In all seriousness, I think I prefer being slightly psychotic over the physical discomforts that came with clomid like hot flashes and night sweats. ::shrugs:: Gotta see the bright side of things right? lol
We had our first follie check this afternoon with Dr. Q and everything is moving along great. It looks like I've got 10 follies to work with. :) I was really happy with that number. I have another couple check ups over the next few days to monitor the growth, and we anticipate my egg retrieval will be next Tuesday or Wednesday.
The anticipation is growing a bit, but honestly I still feel pretty unattached to the whole thing. Maybe even a little un-hopeful (is that even a word?). Which I don't really see as a bad thing, because I know it's a defense mechanism for my heart and it's helping me stay relaxed for now. But next week is going to be a crazy whirlwind, and I'm not even sure how to brace myself for it. bleeeeeh. Oh well. If I get overwhelmed, I'm going to fully adhere to my life motto -
I've decided that injections are like my annoying sidekick. I don't really want to deal with them, but I know I can't defeat infertility without them. Oh well. At least they're a familiar part of the journey by now. My baseline ultrasound went well this afternoon, so we're good to move forward with ovary stimulation. I started with 300 IUs of Bravelle today (four vials). My dosage gets a little lower next week, but I'll be adding Menopur to my nightly cocktail at that point. I also found out that the oral pill I'm taking alongside my injections, Dexamethasone, is a steroid that will make me hungry on a regular basis and possibly give me insomnia. So if I turn into a fat zombie with the emotions of a psychotic cat this month, you'll know why. Consider yourself warned. ;)