Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Change in plans

My uteral lining and bloodwork is looking good, and Dr. Q would actually like to push our plans up a little bit. The fertilization is now set for Friday, and we're looking at a Tuesday or Wednesday transfer, depending on how the embies look. I guess I'm supposed to be happy about this next round of treatment, but I'm not. I mean, I'm happy that we didn't have to wait till next month, and I'm so grateful for my wonderful RE who is not charging us anything for this transfer (have I mentioned how much I love my doctor and clinic?). At the same time, I have found myself feeling pretty discouraged about things. I am already anticipating another failed cycle, and trying to wrap my heart and mind around the fact that we're nearing the end of our journey through treatment. In anticipation of coming to the end of treatment, I'm grieving the babies we still don't have. This is what happens when you're a planner by nature and you've had your heart broken repeatedly - you anticipate hurt and try to sort it out before it's even real. lol. In a random bout of tears this week over how this isn't going to work, Ryan gently asked me why we are doing it again. Well that answer is obvious - Because it might work. It might! So maybe I'm still not ecstatic about the transfer, but at least now I'm trying to get myself out of the tendancy to grieve what hasn't even happened yet. Keep calm and hope on. :]


6 comments:

  1. Oh sweetie we are hoping and praying with you. Love ya bunches! Cilla says don't give up and keep faith! Things don't always happen the way we want them to but they will happen the way they are suppose to. <3
    Raquel M.

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  2. I hope everything goes well with the fertilization tomorrow and you have great looking embies :) I am thinking of you always.

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  3. Keep calm sweetheart, it will happen. My thoughts are with you.

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