I'm feeling much better today. I have actually been able to process the failed IVF over a few days so that has helped. I knew that it didn't work on Sunday morning when I started spotting. I have no idea how I was able to make it through the whole day of church and two family events, but I somehow saved my ugly melt down for when we got home that night. The moment when you know in your heart that you're not pregnant is the most agonizing part of the whole cycle. For me, the realization typically comes via a reddish brown spot on a piece of toilet paper, or the distinct cramp that I only get when my period is on it's way. The 5 second transition from hopeful excitement to absolute disappointment is like a sudden fist in the gut. So yeah, that ugly moment was Sunday for me. Monday afternoon was our bloodwork appointment, and my wonderful coordinator called me at 10pm that night to give me the results so I wouldn't have to wait till Tuesday morning. After we hung up with her, we just sat on the couch for a while not saying anything. We climbed into bed, shut the lights off, and as if on queue, lost it again. Twice actually. There was a little break in between. lol. We took yesterday off work to rest, have our follow up appointment with Dr. Q, and get our bearing on life again.
doh, I gotta run, but I'm not done! lol. I guess this is going to have to be a two-part post. I'll finish up tomorrow. ::blows kiss::