I have very mixed emotions about Mother's Day this year. It's always been hard for me. I think it has made me extra emotional in the past because it is right around the time we started trying to get pregnant. So not only was it a reminder that I was not a mom, but it was a reminder immediately following another "anniversary" of a failed year. C'est la vie. But the timing of things is not exactly a consequence that you think through when you start trying to get pregnant. ;)
Prior to this adoption, I had plans to ditch church on Mother's Day this year. People have the best intentions at heart, and I appreciated the thought behind wanting to make me feel included...but in truth most just don't know what to say to someone who has experienced infertility and/or loss. In all fairness, I'm not sure what I've wanted or needed to hear, I just know it hasn't been said. lol. Last year after rushing to the car to cry after church, I decided that I don't need to put myself in that position anymore. I planned to stay home this Sunday. But in God's perfect timing, I am writing this post on my bed, next to the cutest pair of little legs I've ever seen. Elias has his arms thrown up over his head and is snoring, cause he's a loud sleeper like that. :) After almost exactly four years of trying to add to our family, in every which way, he's here. I'm a mom. Just in time for Mother's Day.
Much to my surprise, sheer happiness is not the only emotion that I have when I think about Sunday. I am thinking about how I felt last year. I'm thinking about how just a few short months ago, we miscarried and felt such defeat and anguish over the constant string of losses we've experienced. I'm thinking about the women who are going to spend Sunday in tears because infertility, pregnancy loss, or the death of a child has left their arms empty. My heart aches for them whether I know them personally or not. I'm thinking about Elias' birthmom, and wondering how she and all the other birthmoms in the world might be feeling. I'm thinking and feeling all these sad things. But mostly I'm feeling overwhelmed with gratefulness. I can't even put into words how thankful I am that God faithfully led us through a long, dark season, and it's suddenly over. He gave us the most incredible blessing in this baby boy and my cup runneth over. <3