This is the second Mother's Day that I will participate in as an actual mom. :) And my oh my, this holiday looks very different than it used to. Elias brought my dreams of motherhood to life. He is sunshine to my day, the constant recipient of my kisses, the source of noise in our otherwise quiet home, and the other little man that I am called to serve day in and day out. I know that my learnings in motherhood are just beginning. I am merely skimming the surface of lessons that I will continue to grasp more of as time goes on. But I am growing as a person, and we are growing as a family unit, and it just lights up my heart. Ryan and Elias are my greatest earthly blessings and nothing brings me more joy than doing life with them.
And yet alongside all of the wonderful feelings and thankfulness that I have while looking forward to Mother's Day, I still can't help but think back to where I've been. I vividly remember smiling and nodding at awkward comments at church, swallowing hard as the moms in the congregation stood while I sat, and barely making it to the car in time to cry. The unfulfilled longing of my heart would just hit me like a punch in the gut and come flowing out of my eyes. I have a beautiful son now, I am pregnant with a surprise miracle, and yet I still remember all the hard things about Mother's Day.
I came across this article a while back. I'm sure that many of you have already seen it. Rereading it again this week just made me think about how infertile women are not the only ones who hurt on Mother's Day. Women remember their miscarriages, mourn for children that they've lost, struggle over broken family relationships, grieve the loss of their own mothers, the list goes on and on. If you find yourself hurting in any way tomorrow, just know that you're in my heart. Whether it is a seasonal trial or years of heartache that doesn't have an end in sight, you don't need to feel guilty for being sad. I guarantee that there are other women out there who feel the way you do, and it's ok to cry if you need to.