Monday, November 25, 2013

Transfer Scheduled

We had our monitoring appointment with Dr. Q today. My ute is lookin great! I'll hear back on my bloodwork results tonight but I've never had a problem with my hormone levels, so I'm not worried about that. Assuming that there aren't any red flags in bloodwork, the transfer is scheduled for next Monday, December 2nd

My coordinator asked me today if I was excited, and on the spot I had a bit of a hard time answering that question.  In the past, physically transitioning on to the next attempt really helped my emotions transition from grief to hope again. This time has been different. The negative from the last cycle hit me harder than I expected, and I'm still not fully over it. I've definitely been more sad about the last cycle than excited about the current cycle. If you think of me this week, I'd really appreciate any prayers I can get. I'm having a hard time feeling hopeful. My spirit is tired and even though I know I need to, I must admit that I just don't feel like I have the strength to bring my broken heart before the Lord right now...
I hear the Savior say, 
'Thy strength indeed is small.
Child of weakness watch and pray,
Find in Me, thine all in all.'

10 comments:

  1. We are in a very different place in our fertility journey but I can relate to your emotions. Holding you up tonight and through the holidays. I was telling one of my friends how defeated I feel lately and this morning he sent me a quote from St. John of the cross who once responded to the question, "How are you? by saying, "I am well, but my soul lags behind."

    As I go about my day, doing my regular life even with moments of laughter and happiness in the midst of the heartbreak, that's exactly how I feel. "I am well, but my soul lags behind." Praying for you girl! Peace and HOPE. xoxo

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  2. i completely understand this emotion. with each of the three pregnancies I lost, I felt more hopeful each time, but after the third loss I felt like all was lost and that a happy ending was impossible. i am still struggling with that now as we prepare to try again now that we have waited much longer than we did between the other pregnancies. the phrase i am living on now is "doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith." have faith that things will work out because that will make you happier on the journey no matter the outcome. loves! <3

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  3. I felt the same way going into our third transfer. But the excitement will come. I will keep you in my prayers. *hug*

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  4. Praying for courage and strength for both of you. I understand the journey of just being tired and broken. But again your a warrior woman of God, he always some how gives us strength.. *hugs my fertility friend

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  5. Everything you said makes so much sense...hope is so hard when disappointment has been your experience for so long. Holding onto hope for you right now!

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  6. A negative FET always hits me harder than I think no matter how I prepare myself emotionally. Good for you for getting back in there and trying again. That takes a lot of courage and faith. I have had five FETs with donor embryos from Snowflakes and also from the clinic we use in So Cal. Our second FET was our miracle FET and maybe this one will be a miracle for you too! Glad to find another So Cal EA buddy. We are far and few between around here. www.deshack.blogspot.com

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  7. You got it girlfriend! I pray that God will surround with people that love Him and that are an encouragement to you and your husband. And that you will continue to rest in His strength and take courage. {HUGS}

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  8. I just found your videos and blog. I will read and watch to catch up. We are doing our first transfer later this month. So fun to find someone in the middle of the process already. We have a 3 1/2 year old through birth-mom adoption and I am excited to have the opportunity to be pregnant, Lord willing. I will pray for a pregnancy with your transfer this week.

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  9. Praying for you...I am really sorry for all that you are going through. It is so painful.

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  10. I am praying for you guys!
    Kristin

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