Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Transfer #2 complete!

I finally got a call yesterday afternoon about the status of our embies. We still had three, and they gave us the option of coming in last night for the transfer, or waiting till tonight (Dr. Q has jury duty during the day. *teehee*). So we just decided to go for it and get the little guys in a natural environment as quickly as possible. The two that we transferred were both early blasts yesterday, which means that the cells were clumping together and splitting so that there are too many cells to count. :) The embryologist said that they are really, really good quality which we are totally stoked about. We actually got the ultrasound view of the transfer on video. :) It's kind of hard to see, and very fast, but I think it's cool anyway. My uterus is in the lower, mid-right portion of the screen and the little white dot is the embryos-

And here's their first close up shot! You can see that the one on the right is a bit further along in development. The cells are much less distinct than the circles that compose the one on the left. 

And this is us, post transfer, being dorks in our room. And a little bit about the third embryo. My memory card filled up before I was able to finish, so I'll have to do that in writing. lol. 

The third embryo is still in good condition, but a little behind in growth. I'm going to get a status update on that one today and tomorrow to see if it's continue to split. We're hoping that it reaches the blast stage by tomorrow so that we can freeze it for a future transfer. :)

That's all for now! Please keep praying for the five of us! :)

Monday, February 20, 2012

Plans? What plans?

We didn't do the transfer today after all. I just love how nothing goes according to plan. lol. We drove out to Glendale, I got in my gown, started chugging water, and after about an hour and a half the embryologist came in. She said that we had two perfect looking embryos yesterday, and today an underdog pulled through and surprise!, now we have THREE. haha. :) So we had about 10 minutes to talk to her, talk to Dr. Q and decide on what we wanted to do. Originally, when Ryan and I had talked about the possibility of getting more than two embryos, we agreed that we would be comfortable transferring up to three. Given our last failed cycle, Dr. Q's experience, and statistics on infertility treatment in general, the odds of all three sticking is very low. But it's still possible. When your embryologist tells you that you have three beautiful, healthy looking embies it's very hard to nonchalantly tell your doctor that you understand and are ok with the risk of triplets. I'd be ecstatic about twins....triplets are just straight up scary. We decided to wait a day or two to see if all three embies continue to grow. Days 3 to 5 are critical. Many embies stop splitting at this stage, and the ones that do continue to split and grow as they should, in a sense, have passed another quality test. We hope that we still have three tomorrow, in which case we will transfer two of them into my ute on Wednesday, and the other will be frozen for a future transfer. If one of them arrests overnight, we will transfer the remaining two tomorrow. We're on standby till we get the call. As a friend said to me today, blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape. ;) lol. 

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Even EARLIER transfer

I got a call from the embryologist today with the status of our embies. She said that we have two perfect looking embryos and Dr. Q would like to get them into my ute tomorrow instead of waiting till Tuesday or Wednesday. I was not expecting that. lol. So yeah, we're heading off to Glendale tomorrow for the 9:30am transfer. Please pray for us and our two little guys! :)

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Infertility movies??

I've been purposefully trying to find movies that reference infertility. So far, Julie & Julia, Up, and Juno are the only ones I've come up with and in all three the topic is suuuuuper subtle. The Help featured things a little more bluntly, but it was still just a part of the story. Why aren't there more movies about infertility? I mean this awful thing affects one in six couples, you'd think that there would be a decent, mainstream movie about it after all this time. Wouldn't it be awesome to watch an honest portrayal of a couple going through it? And imagine what a movie like that could do for infertility awareness! I did come across this trailer the other day, which seems like it could possibly have some potential-

It could also be totally cheesy, but in either case, I'm looking forward to checking it out. Anyway, that was kind of random, but it was on my mind so I thought I'd share. Carry on. ;) 

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Change in plans

My uteral lining and bloodwork is looking good, and Dr. Q would actually like to push our plans up a little bit. The fertilization is now set for Friday, and we're looking at a Tuesday or Wednesday transfer, depending on how the embies look. I guess I'm supposed to be happy about this next round of treatment, but I'm not. I mean, I'm happy that we didn't have to wait till next month, and I'm so grateful for my wonderful RE who is not charging us anything for this transfer (have I mentioned how much I love my doctor and clinic?). At the same time, I have found myself feeling pretty discouraged about things. I am already anticipating another failed cycle, and trying to wrap my heart and mind around the fact that we're nearing the end of our journey through treatment. In anticipation of coming to the end of treatment, I'm grieving the babies we still don't have. This is what happens when you're a planner by nature and you've had your heart broken repeatedly - you anticipate hurt and try to sort it out before it's even real. lol. In a random bout of tears this week over how this isn't going to work, Ryan gently asked me why we are doing it again. Well that answer is obvious - Because it might work. It might! So maybe I'm still not ecstatic about the transfer, but at least now I'm trying to get myself out of the tendancy to grieve what hasn't even happened yet. Keep calm and hope on. :]

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Round 2

Sooo...we're on to round two folks. Ryan has a lot of stuff going on at work in the next couple weeks, so we weren't sure if we'd be able to move forward this month, but we can! The nice thing about this time around, is that since we're using frozen eggs from my retrieval last month, I am on minimal medication prior to the embryo transfer. woohoo! Egg fertilization is scheduled for 2/21, and God willing we'll have embryos to transfer into my ute on 2/24. Does it make me a lazy person if I'm really looking forward to the post-transfer bedrest? lol. I totally got on Amazon this morning and ordered a few movies for the occasion, and I'll have lots of time to read the final book in the Hunger Games trilogy. Yeah, I'm kind of excited. ::grin::

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Post IVF feelings (part 2)

So I realized that in my haste to let everyone know I'm doing fine, I actually ended up sharing only the downer parts. haha. Sorry guys. There was an up side to my thought process, I promise! lol.

I was just thinking about how easy it is to wonder why God allows us to go through difficult things in life. We're so quick to question His motives, accuse Him of being unfair, pull away from Him for not giving us what we feel we deserve. But the truth is, my God is so much greater than the circumstances I'm in. His perspective is so much bigger and grander than what I can see. I don't have to understand all the details, and He doesn't owe me an explanation of how it is all going to end. I just need to take His hand and let Him lead me one step at a time. I wholeheartedly believe that battling infertility is the best thing for Ryan and I right now, and it is somehow giving God the most glory that it possibly could. When I think about it that's all so worth it. How gracious and loving of my Father to include my good in His purpose! I mean, really, He didn't have to. And even if it was only for His glory alone, my heartache is such a small price to pay for the privilege of making my Savior look beautiful.

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him
How I've proved Him o're and o're.
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus
Oh for grace to trust Him more

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Post IVF feelings (part 1)

I'm feeling much better today. I have actually been able to process the failed IVF over a few days so that has helped. I knew that it didn't work on Sunday morning when I started spotting. I have no idea how I was able to make it through the whole day of church and two family events, but I somehow saved my ugly melt down for when we got home that night. The moment when you know in your heart that you're not pregnant is the most agonizing part of the whole cycle. For me, the realization typically comes via a reddish brown spot on a piece of toilet paper, or the distinct cramp that I only get when my period is on it's way. The 5 second transition from hopeful excitement to absolute disappointment is like a sudden fist in the gut. So yeah, that ugly moment was Sunday for me. Monday afternoon was our bloodwork appointment, and my wonderful coordinator called me at 10pm that night to give me the results so I wouldn't have to wait till Tuesday morning. After we hung up with her, we just sat on the couch for a while not saying anything. We climbed into bed, shut the lights off, and as if on queue, lost it again. Twice actually. There was a little break in between. lol. We took yesterday off work to rest, have our follow up appointment with Dr. Q, and get our bearing on life again. 

doh, I gotta run, but I'm not done! lol. I guess this is going to have to be a two-part post. I'll finish up tomorrow. ::blows kiss::