Monday, September 30, 2013

Almost Ready

Well folks, the embryos are getting ready to be shipped, and they are expected to to arrive at Dr. Q's office sometime between this Thursday and next Tuesday. :) I called Dr. Q's office this morning to schedule an appointment for my baseline ultrasound, and was expecting to start meds tonight or tomorrow. Unfortunately  we hit a little snag. Without going into boring details that I'm not 100% clear on anyway, the general idea is that the genetic family's clinic freezing protocol does not correspond to the typical thawing protocol at our clinic. Our embryologist needs to order something or other in order to properly thaw them. So even though my body is ready to start preparing for occupants, and the embies will be here by next week, our clinic is not ready for a transfer. 

At first I was kicking myself for not following up with my clinic coordinator to let her know that I was planning to move forward this cycle, and make sure that they had everything they needed. But you know, it is what it is. This was a totally unforeseen thing on our end, but the delay is still a part of God's plan and that's ok. Hopefully this will only set us back a couple weeks, and in the grand scheme of things a couple weeks really isn't the end of the world. :)

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

So Many Emotions

The first thing that people say to me about our progress in embryo adoption is "How exciting!" :) And I agree, it IS exciting! If this works, my body will be the new home of 1 or 2 babies who have been frozen in time for the last ten years. They may be at the earliest stage post conception, but they have in fact been conceived. They are babies. Individuals. And modern medicine will allow an infertile couple like us to both adopt and carry these little ones. I will be able to experience pregnancy, with all of its joys and pains. It's a pretty incredible thing. And I'm totally jazzed to be a part of it. 

But at the same time, I think most people forget that it's also very hard and can even be quite daunting. Fertility treatment is not fun. I'm going to try to get pregnant in a completely unnatural way. I'm going to lay on a cold table, holding my husband's hand while a doctor puts these embryos into my uterus through a tube. I know that we're blessed to have the opportunity to do treatment, and I'm truly thankful for that. But it's still not exactly what you imagine when you think about bringing children into the world. And even after it's done, there's no guarantee that it will work. We've been trying to add to our family through a variety of options for three and a half years, and we have a 0% success rate. I know all too well what it feels like to get a negative pregnancy test after a transfer. Worse yet, the feeling of my heart dropping to my stomach when I see blood on a piece of toilet paper. I know that statistically, not every embryo is going to stick. But how do I reconcile that emotionally, when I know that they are babies? Individuals. How do I put my heart into this, pray for the ones that go in, imagine and hope for the children they will grow to be...and yet try not to become devastated if/when I lose them? I've only ever lost them. Failed attempts are all I've known so far. How do I try to protect my heart, try to not get my hopes up, and have realistic expectations and yet still value these embryos as the lives that they are? I know that God is the giver of life and that He is in control. I do not doubt that He can do this, and yet I need to rest in His love for me if His answer is "Not yet". There are just so many different facets of emotion, and it's really hard to balance it all.

These are some of the things that are going through my heart and mind as we prepare for our upcoming transfer. I really, really appreciate the positive feedback and support that we get from all of you. :) But I just wanted to give a bigger and deeper perspective than the excitement on the surface. Keep calm and pray on. :)

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Contract Finalized

The agency received the genetic family's portion of the contract today! So we're officially in the next phase, which is the shipping coordination between the clinic storing the embryos, and Dr. Q's office. Assuming that all of that goes smoothly, it looks like we'll be able to do our transfer next month! :)

Tuesday, September 17, 2013


Look what came in the mail yesterday!

I guess Kaiser decided that it was ok to insure an infertile woman after all. ;)

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Still Pending

I still haven't received the final say from Kaiser about my insurance coverage. A nurse called me on Tuesday to ask a few questions, and as much as I wanted to rip her a new one, I knew that she was the middle man and didn't have power to do anything. I answered her questions to the best of my ability and she said that an underwriter will make the final decision soon. ::sigh:: If they still refuse to cover me, our plan is to apply again next month when the open enrollment starts for 2014 Obamacare. Then they supposedly can't deny me because of my "pre-existing condition". 

In other news, the agency has our signed contract and they should be getting the genetic family's contract any day now! I keep looking at my phone, waiting for an email to come in saying that they are ready to ship the embryos but no such luck yet. Maybe tomorrow... 

Friday, September 6, 2013


You may or may not know that Ryan is self employed. I recently had to get new health insurance coverage, which was supposed to start on the 15th of this month. This is a portion of the email I received last night-
Dear Ms. Miller,
Thank you for considering Kaiser Permanente for Individuals and Family [Plan name] for your health coverage. Unfortunately, we are unable to offer you coverage at this time. Here are the reasons for our decision: Your history of in vitro fertilization.
My "history of in vitro fertilization"????????????! *&%$#^%&*$!!!!

For crying out loud, IVF is a procedure not a disease! Furthermore it was an elective, out of pocket procedure. We paid for it ourselves a year and a half ago. And now I am denied of any sort of coverage? Seriously?? I called to file an appeal this morning, and someone will be calling me in the next five business days to do a medical review over the phone. Please pray that they change this ridiculous decision. I know that there are other options that we can look into, but this plan was going to give us the most bang for our buck, especially anticipating a possible pregnancy. ::sigh:: Lord help me, cause I want to throat punch someone right now. lol

Tuesday, September 3, 2013


No more reservations or nerves! We're so happy with our decision to move forward with this genetic family. A more detailed update is in the video below. :)