I don't think I've actually verbalized it on the blog yet, but this in vitro cycle is our last attempt to get pregnant with fertility treatment. Our stock of frozen eggs has been depleted, we have one embryo left, and we have decided that we're not going to go through the ovary stimulation process and retrieval for another three or four rounds of this. We're mentally, emotionally, and physically done. I still have hope that one day in the coming years it will "just happen". We are diagnosed as unexplained, and there's obviously no reason to ever get on birth control, so who knows. But if this doesn't work, we're going to transition our hearts and efforts toward adoption.
On one hand, I'm somewhat relieved that no matter how this cycle ends, I'm done with treatment. No more injections, no more doctor appointments, no more negative pregnancy tests, no more planning my life around fertilization or transfer days, etc. On the other hand, I'm absolutely dreading the thought of a final unsuccessful treatment cycle. We want to adopt, and I know that we'll be absolutely thrilled once we start diving into the process. But we have been trying to get pregnant for 23 months...how in the world am I going to be able to just let go and move on? ::sigh:: I suppose we'll deal with that when we get there. But in the meantime, I have no idea what my emotions are supposed to be doing. There's an ongoing battle in my head that goes something like - Pray hard for the transfer to work! Don't get your hopes up! Have faith that God is the great creator and giver of life! Have faith that His plan is better than yours! It's ok to start looking into adoption and even get excited about it! Don't get ahead of yourself, you still have an embryo!
::head meets desk::