I started bleeding over the weekend, and as expected, the emotions hit hard right alongside it. Sunday and Monday were pretty rough. Through all the low points in our journey, I have not questioned God's control. I know that His plan is perfect, and His timing is better than mine. I joyfully rest in that reality. But Sunday I had a hard time accepting the method He chose to accomplish
His purpose in me. I was so hurt with Him. "Lord, why did You give me a pregnancy at all, if You weren't going to let me keep it? If it wasn't our time, why did You give me three weeks hoping that it was? Why was I experiencing symptoms when there wasn't a baby there anymore? Doesn't this whole thing seem unnecessarily cruel???" This is what my soul has been wrestling with.
His purpose in me. I was so hurt with Him. "Lord, why did You give me a pregnancy at all, if You weren't going to let me keep it? If it wasn't our time, why did You give me three weeks hoping that it was? Why was I experiencing symptoms when there wasn't a baby there anymore? Doesn't this whole thing seem unnecessarily cruel???" This is what my soul has been wrestling with.
If for no other positive result, this much pain reminds me that I need to run to the Lord. Even if I'm crying to Him in agony, pouring out my discouragement, and asking "Why?", it helps to talk to HIM. Not just to my family, or Ryan, but to actually talk to the One who has brought me here. Because He does love me. "As high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His unfailing love towards those who fear Him." (Ps. 103:11) He is good. He made me His child. He gave Himself to redeem my soul. My life is His and He is using it as He sees best. His ways are higher than my ways. And I don't need to know why. I need to trust Him. I need to come to Him and be comforted with the peace that only He can give me. There are moments that I feel so overwhelmed, but I find comfort in knowing that God will provide the endurance needed to not only get through this, but to praise Him in the midst of it. <3
Such a beautiful and strong faith is yours that can ask these hard questions.
ReplyDeleteSomething I always love to share with friends who are enduring the dark night of the soul are these two juxtaposed passages from Psalm 22 and 23.
Today you cry:
"I am poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart has turned to wax;
it has melted within me.
My mouth is dried up like a potsherd,
and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth;
you lay me in the dust of death."
But I trust the LORD will give you soon give you reason to say:
"The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he refreshes my soul."
Two very different prayers, but both are biblical. Both are okay ways to feel. Both are acceptable to the LORD! Encouraged by your faith. You are on my heart!
Miscarriage is SO hard. I had my first one on the 27th. I am so grateful to have seen our baby at 6 weeks, but it's hard to grasp why God would take our baby away after that. I don't have any good answers, but I know that I know He is still good and the pain gets a little more manageable everyday. Praying for you as you grieve.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your honest reflections. I hope this passage from Lamentations 3:19-24 will be an encouragement to you during this difficult journey.
ReplyDeleteI remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him.
Praying for you.
Without an internet regulatory framework within the republic, players should visit sites with sturdy player protections through their licensing regimen. We're not aware of any direct actions by the federal government to dam funds specifically as a result of|as a end result of} they have been going to or from an internet casino. However, the payment processing system lends itself to simple oversight and interruption. In addition to the potential authorized consequences of merely gambling offshore, the federal government has added two obstacles for the erstwhile gambler to overcome - internet blocking and payment blocking. After you find a casino that accepts players out of your region, is clear, 우리카지노 licensed, and responsive, it's time to... In order to stay throughout the graces of the authorities, South Koreans can play the lottery and sports activities lottery.
ReplyDelete