Moving Right Along

It was actually kind of nice to walk into Dr. Q's office on Wednesday and see those familiar faces. :) I am happy that this next phase, though approached from a different angle, is something that I'm used to and comfortable with. I know the process physically and emotionally, and I trust the people that we're working with. They seemed happy to see me as well. :) Dr. Q got on board with what we wanted, and he signed the form I needed him to. All the agency paperwork to switch our profile over has been taken care of, and we have an initial meeting scheduled with our wonderful social worker next Friday. Once that's done, we will officially be waiting for a match. :) Week and a half turn around? Yeah baby, that's what I like to see! ;)

Embryo Adoption Here We Come!

In case you didn't see on our facebook page, we received word yesterday that the birthmom ended up choosing a different couple. Although we would have been thrilled to be matched again, especially with twins, we knew that the risk for this situation was high and we were slightly relieved that the door on that opportunity was closed so gracefully. We have been seriously considering a different form of adoption, and the sense of relief we felt at the end of this possibility really gave us confidence to move forward with our other option - Embryo Adoption. :) Below is a video blog with the whole scoop. :)

TWINS??!

Ok, I finally have an adoption update! woohoo! :) Our social worker contacted us regarding a special out of state situation. Our agency has another office in Kentucky, and there is a birthmom there that we might be a good fit for. She is due at the end of July with TWINS - a boy and a girl! We were soooo excited to hear that we could possibly be matched with two babies at the same time, what a blessing that would be!

Unfortunately, there is also a down side. In California, when a birthmom signs away her rights, it's pretty much a done deal within 24 hours. In Kentucky, the law gives both birthparents 110 days to change their minds about the adoption. So it is possible that we get matched, bring the babies home, and have to give them back after a few months. 

Although this is a huge risk, we gave the ok for our profile to be shown to this birthmom. We are one of two couples being considered by her right now. Our profile was shown to her this past Wednesday, and we are hoping to hear back from the agency tomorrow (Monday). Our prayer right now is that, if this birthmom is going to change her mind once the babies are born, that the Lord would just not even allow us to get chosen. We're asking that the Lord to spare us from the possible heartache. We are excited and yet nervous at the same time. Please pray for peace, wisdom, and trust in the Lord as we wait for Him to lead us forward, or close this door for us. Thank you all!

Winded

Sorry that it's been a while since I've posted. Sorrier still that the post I finally wrote is a total downer. Keepin it real folks, keepin it real. lol.

Well, I made it through Mother's Day by the skin of my teeth. Leading up to Sunday I set it in my mind that it was going to be a positive day, because I am a daughter and I have an incredible mom and mother in law to celebrate with. It was not going to be about me and my lack of motherhood. But it was no use. A few reminders throughout the day, and I was a hot mess. Still kind of am. Maybe next year I'll actually be happy and won't have to grit through it...

I might not have any physical strength whatsoever. lol. But I've always tried to push myself to be strong inside and have the heart of a fighter. Getting back up and trying again, blow after blow after blow. But I have to be honest guys - I feel winded. I'm so tired of this continued heartache and waiting. I had a tearful prayer time this morning, just asking God to remember me as He remembered Rebekah (Gen. 25:21), Rachel (Gen. 30:22), Hannah (1 Sam. 1:19-20), and Elizabeth (Luke 1:12). But even more than that, I asked Him to give me endurance. I know that I am in a particularly discouraged season right now, and forgive me if I sound dramatic, but I just don't know how much more of this I can take. I need the Lord's sustaining grace. And a vacation. And apparently a Snuggie, because these people seem pretty happy and content with life-

lol. Sorry, I just had to throw a little comic relief in there. ;) Thanks in advance for any prayers coming our way. God is good, and He is going to see us through. <3

It's That Time Again - NIAW!

April 21-27 is National Infertility Awareness Week. It's a week when tons and tons of women (and men!) band together and express unity in heartache. Switching over to adoption really allowed me to grieve the loss of a biological child. I am happy to be pursuing a child through the gift of adoption, and I truly don't care that the one we eventually get matched with won't look like me. But my arms are still empty. And though I may not write about every single hard day, I still have them. 

Today I am proud to be a part of the infertile community. An online forum that I was a part of early on, showed me that I wasn't alone. There are lots of women going through the same thing, and that knowledge gave me the courage to go through it out loud. I hope that publicly chronicling my experience with various treatments, a short pregnancy, miscarriage, adoption, a failed adoption match, and lots of hoping along the way, gives someone else the strength they need to be open about their infertility struggles. We all need support, and our friends and family are willing to give it! We just have to open up. :]

This year's NAIW them is "Join the Movement". You don't have to be infertile to be a part of it. :) In accordance with the theme, I wanted to make a way for loved ones to be involved and show their support. So I created a super simple Facebook cover photo that you can post to your profile or newsfeed this week.  No pressure, I won't be hurt if you don't post it. haha. Just wanted to make it available. :) You can find it by clicking here!

Interior Construction Complete! :)

Well folks I made it through two weeks of construction and a third week of hard core decorating. We are in love with how our house looks. :) It feels bigger, brighter, up to date, and very "Ryan and Denay". When we first moved in, the paint that I bought for the main part of the house was way darker than I planned. I was going for a light-medium beige, and ended up with a deep tan color. We had a whole crew of help ready to paint, so I just went with it anyway. I've never really been a fan of brown, but  the wall color forced me to go with a brown toned color palette. When we decided to get our damaged countertops and flooring replaced, we went ahead and changed the paint color as well to finally make it what we wanted it to be. I went with clean gray tones and teals, with a pop of red here and there. :)

I gotta be honest, I didn't do as good of a job with the Before pictures as I thought I did. :( Sorry about that. I'll just have to use an older picture of the living room with our old couches, which were replaced over a year ago. You'll still get the idea. :)

This is the view from the front door before-

And after! 

Is that the same house??? lol. Light gray paint, gray wood laminate flooring, and new lighting. Amazing what an impact paint makes. It's such an inexpensive way to change the feel of a room. Couldn't be happier with how the floor came out. It's a very unique color, and I'm glad I went with my gut on it. The picture doesn't capture how pretty it is. :)

Next is the couch / window corner, viewed from the hallway-

And after! 

Love love love our rug! We went with a smaller one this time, so that and removing the coffee table really made it look more spacious. The valances over the windows are much better suited for this space. Since this is the only real wall in the living area, I wanted to replace my previous decor with large family photos. I'm very happy with how they look. :)

Here is the new dining area. I didn't get a good before shot of this either. The new dining set fits the space perfectly. I found these awesome chevron sheer-ish curtains from Urban Outfitters of all places. It makes the window area so cheery. 

This is the kitchen before-

And this is the kitchen after-

We went with charcoal colored Formica for our countertops. The large, single basin sink and tall faucet are so nice! And we added a glass tile backsplash, which came out beautifully. Cabinets got a fresh coat of bright white paint and new hardware as well.

I just want to give a quick shout out to our two main contractors for this house upgrade. Hit them up for a quote if you're local and looking to do work on your house in the future! :) Wes Stevens and his crew from Quandary Construction did the work in the kitchen. They're all great guys who go to my church as well. It was so nice to have people we trust working in our house and making it look beautiful. Charlie from Expert Hardwood Flooring was also great to work with. They gave us a very reasonable price, showed up when they said they would, and did a beautiful job on the floor and baseboards. :)

Checkin In

It's been pretty quiet on the adoption front these days. I was able to have a good talk with our social worker this morning, which is always nice. I love that we are working with someone who knows us well, genuinely cares about us, and is spiritually encouraging as well. She didn't really give much new information, aside from confirming that Q had the baby on the 23rd. There are not really any birthmom's currently in the mix at the agency right now. But as we saw in March, situations can come up pretty suddenly. So even though there aren't any right now, there could be three new ones next week. Ya never know! Just have to keep praying that God brings one to us soon.

In other news, I've been living in my bedroom this week because there is always a crew of guys working in the house and it's been utter chaos. But everything is coming together sooooo nicely! Every day there is a new element added/changed and Ryan and I spazz about how good it looks. lol. :) The flooring guys are installing the baseboards right now, which will complete the work in the main part of the house. All that's left is to get our cabinet doors back on (they're getting refinished). Can't wait to get our furniture back in and the new decorations hung! :)