Embryo Adoption FAQs

Below is a quick update, as well as the answers to some of the questions that I've been asked since we made our decision to switch to embryo adoption. I hope that it helps clarify things for you guys. Enjoy! :)

FAQ #3: Open or Closed adoption?

I think that our hearts toward the birthmother's side of things has been the biggest change in the adoption thought process so far. When asked if we will have an open adoption, I can now wholeheartedly say "Yes!" :) Providing, of course, that God matches us with someone who wants the same thing. YouTube has really helped me gain the birthmothers' perspective, and I hope that the occasional  posts about this topic has been helpful for my readers as well (such as this post, or that post). 

I don't know exactly what our relationship will look like, because we are people and all relationships are different. :) Not to mention, everyone involved in this adoption is going to be going through a lot of intense and dynamic emotions. The birthmother (as well as her support system, I hope) will be experiencing a huge loss, and the biggest heartache of her life. We will be blessed with the greatest joy at finally getting the baby that we've hoped and prayed for. How do these two parties interact? I have no idea! lol. But what I do know is that she's a person, not just a step in a process or a means to an end. Our prayer is that we have an immediate connection with the person we are matched with, and that we can shower her with the love of Christ. Who knows, she may want to include us at ultrasound appointments and, maybe even be in the delivery room with her when the baby is born. It would be completely contradictory to go through that with someone, and then once the baby is born to say "Goodbye, I never want to see you again!" That just wouldn't make sense!

What we have in mind is not co-parenting, and we don't expect to see her at every family function, but with technology these days, there is no reason that we couldn't keep in touch in a completely non-intrusive fashion. We would be happy to set up a website to upload pictures and videos of the baby, that she could see as often as she likes. Maybe even get together once or twice a year, it really just depends on how our relationship unfolds. But the agency will help us figure out our expectations and help us communicate, and set up boundaries prior to the finalization of the adoption so that both parties are happy with the arrangement.

You can definitely be praying for us about this. That there would be a mutual respect and love with the birthmother that we will get matched with. That both parties have wisdom as we decide what we want the relationship to look like, before and after the baby is born. That the agency would help us communicate our expectations to one another, and that we would be blessed with a great relationship for years to come. :)

FAQ #2: How Long Will This Take?

Another frequently asked question is how long the process of adoption will take. Well, after we apply with an agency, it usually takes two to three months to complete the home study. The completion of the home study is the point when we would be eligible to get matched with a birthmother. However, after that, it really just depends on factors outside our control. What birthmothers are currently working with our agency? What criteria have they set for the family they want to adopt their baby? What criteria have we set for a birthmother/baby? As I explained in my previous post, we are open to race and gender, so hopefully that will work in our favor.

The agency will not match a birthmother up with an adopting couple until she is at least 6 months along in her pregnancy. That is nice because once we are actually matched, it should only be a couple short months until we get to bring our baby home. But it's the waiting in between home study and match that's going to be the killer. We will have done everything that we need to, and we literally just have to wait. ::sigh:: NightLight Christian Services said that they have never had a couple wait more than two years. However, I know a few families who only waited a few months, so it could happen that quickly as well. It's totally in God's hands. 

One way to potentially speed up the matching process, is to find a birthmother on our own, outside of the agency, and then refer her to the agency for counseling and all of the legalities. This will also bring the cost of adoption down pretty significantly. You can be a part of this! Many, if not most, couples find a birthmother through word of mouth. So consider this full license to talk about us with everyone you know! haha. ;) The plan is to do a widespread campaign once we finish our homestudy, utilizing the WheresBabyMiller facebook page. At that point, we will be ready to aggressively search for B-Ma and we will be calling on you to help us, so stay tuned. :) 

FAQ #1: Preferences on race or gender?

As Ryan and I have started talking to people about beginning the adoption process, we've both been asked the same handful of questions right off the bat. I thought it might be profitable to answer them on the blog to clear things up for the online world. :)

One of the first things that people have asked me is if we can pick the gender and race of our future child. Well, yes, through the agency we will have the ability to set criteria for what we might want. However, Ryan and I do not have too many restrictions in mind. :) We definitely do not have a gender preference, and we are totally open to white, brown, black, and yellow children. ;) lol. I think that local adoption without restrictions on gender or race is especially exciting, because we can't even begin to guess what Baby Miller will look like! 

I suppose that in one sense, it might be easier to be matched with a child that has similar coloring to Ryan and I. There would definitely be less weird looks and questions from random people when we are out as a family. :) But I am challenged by the fact that my heavenly Father has children from every tribe and nation. Who am I to choose otherwise? :)