Monday, July 16, 2012

FAQ #3: Open or Closed adoption?

I think that our hearts toward the birthmother's side of things has been the biggest change in the adoption thought process so far. When asked if we will have an open adoption, I can now wholeheartedly say "Yes!" :) Providing, of course, that God matches us with someone who wants the same thing. YouTube has really helped me gain the birthmothers' perspective, and I hope that the occasional  posts about this topic has been helpful for my readers as well (such as this post, or that post). 

I don't know exactly what our relationship will look like, because we are people and all relationships are different. :) Not to mention, everyone involved in this adoption is going to be going through a lot of intense and dynamic emotions. The birthmother (as well as her support system, I hope) will be experiencing a huge loss, and the biggest heartache of her life. We will be blessed with the greatest joy at finally getting the baby that we've hoped and prayed for. How do these two parties interact? I have no idea! lol. But what I do know is that she's a person, not just a step in a process or a means to an end. Our prayer is that we have an immediate connection with the person we are matched with, and that we can shower her with the love of Christ. Who knows, she may want to include us at ultrasound appointments and, maybe even be in the delivery room with her when the baby is born. It would be completely contradictory to go through that with someone, and then once the baby is born to say "Goodbye, I never want to see you again!" That just wouldn't make sense!

What we have in mind is not co-parenting, and we don't expect to see her at every family function, but with technology these days, there is no reason that we couldn't keep in touch in a completely non-intrusive fashion. We would be happy to set up a website to upload pictures and videos of the baby, that she could see as often as she likes. Maybe even get together once or twice a year, it really just depends on how our relationship unfolds. But the agency will help us figure out our expectations and help us communicate, and set up boundaries prior to the finalization of the adoption so that both parties are happy with the arrangement.

You can definitely be praying for us about this. That there would be a mutual respect and love with the birthmother that we will get matched with. That both parties have wisdom as we decide what we want the relationship to look like, before and after the baby is born. That the agency would help us communicate our expectations to one another, and that we would be blessed with a great relationship for years to come. :)

1 comment:

  1. Hi! Here through Give1 Save1 blog hop...just wanted to say you will not regret being open to an open adoption! My husband and I were hesitant at first and our adoption actually started out as "semi-open" but has recently become (almost) completely open. It is such a blessing! God has taught us so much through our relationship with our daughter's birthmother. Can't wait to follow along on your adoption journey!