Friday, October 21, 2011

Another bump in the road

When we talked to Dr. Q a few weeks ago, he gave us a rough estimate for the cost of a Mini IVF which we thought was totally doable. However, after going over finances with the office manager this week, it turns out that the estimate did not include the cost of meds. I got a quote from the pharmacy yesterday which confirmed that my insurance is not covering anything, and my cost for meds alone is over $2,000. That brings our total IVF cost to over $7,000, which we simply can't pay right now. We're going to need at least another month to save before we can move forward. ::head desk::

I was pretty frustrated yesterday, I’m not gonna lie. As ridiculous as it might be, I had secretly hoped that maybe God would surprise us this month with a natural pregnancy. But I started my period just prior to the call from the pharmacy, so there went that idea. Earlier this week, I thought that my period would mean the start of the IVF procedures. Instead it ended up being an annoying reminder that we can’t get pregnant on our own, and as a result, it is going to cost us seven grand. And it’s not even guaranteed to work! For crying out loud, why can’t we just conceive for free like a normal couple??? ::sigh::

Oddly enough, Ryan and I happened to have a Bible study planned with another couple from church last night. I wasn't exactly in the mood for being social, but I decided to pull myself together and get through our lesson. And whatdoyouknow, our passage was Philippians 4:6 - Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and pettition, with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Great. Just when I feel like being mad, I have to go read that verse. hahaha. ;) It was just what I needed to hear. I have a lot to be thankful for. The God who has provided abundant blessings for me, is the same God who is in control of our struggle right now. And He wants me to talk to Him about this. He wants me to ask Him for a baby. My infertility is not too small a problem for Him to listen to, and it is not too big for Him to fix. My job is just to lay it at His feet continually, and trust in Him to do the rest in His timing, not mine.


  1. I don't know why it's so hard sweetie. I'm so sorry friend ((hugs)) I wish there was something comforting to say but I've got nothing. It just sucks. I'm believing for a miracle with you though-hang in there xoxo

  2. Trials are hard! When we've learned to adapt and accept one thing, it's seems like there's more laid out in front of us to deal with. But for TODAY I have to say, "Lord, you love me, and I know that you're working ALL things out for your glory even though I don't understand."

    2 Corinthians 4:17-18
    For our light & momentary afflictions are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

    As hard as it is to endure our trials, let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith.

    We love you!
    Mom and Daddy

  3. Oh my sweet Denay. I feel like I am reading my life brings back so many memories. I remember sitting with the doctor in the infertility doctor's office and being so excited that he has a new plan...then we went into the other room with the person that goes over the cost of everything and my stomach just sank and I left crying because we did not have the money. Then I secretly hoped that I would some how get pregnant without the help of infertility. My heart is aching for you...I just want to go over there and hug you. Please know that I understand everything you are feeling...yet I know that you are the King's daughter...He loves you and Ryan more than anyone can. He hears all your prayers, catches all your tears and one day soon, your sorrows will turn into laughter, your mourning will turn into dancing. I know in the midst of this trial you have such joy because you trust in your God that has your life all planned out. I believe that you will one day hold your precious child. As I have told you before, you will look back on these days and thank God for them...because they were intimate times with the Savior. I can only say that because I am on this side right wasn't easy then...I will say, those were one of the most precious times I had with Jesus...sitting at His feet, pleading, crying, begging Him for a child. It was hard not to let it become an idol...I had to keep releasing my request to Him and trust, and trust, and trust.
    May the Lord continue to use this time to serve His gospel purposes in you and make you more conformed to the image of Christ.
    Uncle and I love you guys and have been praying daily for you. Hugs!!!!! Auntie Kellie

  4. It's a bump, but I have faith you'll get there. Try asking your clinic if they can let you know if anyone is selling or turning in left over meds. It's a great way to save some money. I was able to save that way here and there during my cycles.

  5. Ugh!! Denay! That's so frustrating! Praying God gives you peace in place of the anxiety and disappointment. I feel for ya, girl!!! :(

  6. Denay & Ryan, I stumbled upon your blog via YouTube when researching whether or not to try taking Guaifenesin. My husband and I have been TTC for two years now. We have experienced the ups and downs of timing, charting, FAM, IUI and finally IVF. As two faithful people that are perfectly healthy, it's difficult to have no answers as to why our search for baby #1 has come up empty. I've learned to keep praying and taking on each day with a great attitude. I've learned to be genuinely happy for my friends as they all get pregnant naturally on the first try because I've seen God's plan work for us before and I know it's not for me to always understand. I love the verse you reference - thanksgiving is not always easy, but it's the one thing that has gotten me through life's disappointments... remembering the gifts already in my pocket. Thank you for the gift of your blog and videos! <>

  7. Thank you all for the encouragement. I'm sorry that some of you are a part of, or have been a part of, the infertility club. But at the same time, it is comforting to know that there are people who know exactly what I'm going through.

    Nancy, that's a great idea! I'll check with my coordinator on that.

  8. Love you guys! That study was just perfect. I cant wait till we meet up again. I get so much from the study's we have together. David and I are so blessed to have friends like you, who take time out of their busy schedules to meet up with us. "Be anxious for nothing but in EVERYTHING" lol Davids version. This scripture is teaching me to worry less. He is in control. Praying for you guys! <3