If You Want Me To

I added another negative test to my collection yesterday. It was a couple days early, so it's not a sure thing quite yet, but I'm not counting on a different result when I test again. Ryan and I have decided to take a break in October if this IUI is in fact unsuccessful. We need time to process, pray, and seek counsel on what to do next. We're not convinced that we want to give it a third shot, like we originally thought we would. It is possible that the third time would be the charm, but at the same time, if it's failed twice before, what are the chances that a third time would actually result in a pregnancy? I want our decision to be logical, not just emotional. And I want to be open to what God would have us do. I've been feeling tugs at my heart toward adoption and I'm wondering if God is leading us in that direction now. It's going to be hard to transition my emotions and efforts from trying to get pregnant, with all the meds and treatments, to adoption, with all of it's paperwork and more waiting. On one hand, I feel like I'm giving up. On the other hand, with all the prayers going into this endeavor, and all the best case scenarios I've had trying to get pregnant, if it doesn't happen I am confident that He has another plan for us. And I will be excited to seek out the blessing He is preparing for us in someone else's womb.

This is not easy. This is really hard. This is not the way I anticipated things going for Ryan and I. But you know, of all the trials that God could have put in my life to bring me closer to Him, I know that this one is accomplishing it's purpose. I am fully confident that this is bringing Him glory, and that makes the hurt well worth it. I came across this song today by Ginny Owens. It pretty much sums it up for me right now. Enjoy -

P.S. In case you're wondering, yes, I will post again once I get the results of my final test. 

All done with IUI #2

Today's IUI was much easier than our last one, thank God. We didn't have the emotional shock factor, which was nice. And I was actually able to get my body to relax enough for Dr. Q to quickly get the catheter in without too much trouble. There was some discomfort, but it was not nearly as bad as it was last month. I think that taking some ibuprofen beforehand helped. ::sigh of relief:: 

Looked like two of the eggs released earlier today, and there was one still showing on my ovary during the ultrasound. Dr. Q said it would probably release shortly after the IUI. We've got 35 million of Ryan's best in my ute right now - Godspeed my little friends! :)

Ahhh needles

Well, we're in full swing of treatment. I've decided that rather than rushing to finish my mini-series, I'm going to just put it on hold until we hit our next waiting period in a few weeks. Not ideal because it breaks up the flow of topics, but I would rather do that than get behind on what is happening currently. Hope that's ok with everyone. :)

The latest and greatest is that I have successfully given myself my first couple FSH (Follicle stimulating hormone) injections. woohoo! We actually recorded our first shot at it (buh dum bum. lol), so you can see for yourself if you so desire. :)

My memory card filled up before I was able to tell Ryan how I felt. :) Aside from a little sting because I was injecting too fast at first, it wasn't bad at all. I was pleasantly surprised at how easy it went. I haven't felt the full weight of side effects yet, but I'm sure I will this week. Clomid has affected me a little more than last time even though it's a lesser dosage. Kinda weird. I've had several headaches, fatigue, achy ovaries, and of course, the return of my ever faithful companion - Madame Hot Flash. Fun times. :)

I am going to see Dr. Q this week to see how I'm responding, and talk about our next steps. :)