This past Sunday I was blessed to speak at our church's Thanksgiving service. Eight testimonies were given answering the question, "What are you thankful to God for?". Since I had to write mine out to stay within the time frame allotted to me anyway, I thought I would share it on the blog as well. :) You will notice links scattered throughout the post. This is for those of you who have not been along for the whole ride, and would like to go back and read posts and/or watch video associated with the respective parts in our journey. :) It was definitely good for me to remember all that has happened and what brought us to the point that we are at today. <3
year of trying on our own, we met with a fertility specialist and decided to start on a minimal form of medication to help things along. When that didn’t work, we went to the next step of treatment, and the next. We did this for another year. My life included various daily medications, weekly doctor appointments, physical discomfort, and invasive procedures. But the worst part was the continued cycle of ups and downs. We hoped and prayed that each attempt would work, and were always let down. This past March we moved forward with another extensive procedure, and to our incredible surprise, it worked. I finally got to see those two little pink lines on a pregnancy test. Bloodwork confirmed that my levels were increasing as they should, and we even got to see our little one before our doctor thought we would be able to. But a few weeks later I started bleeding. A lot. We went to our doctor’s office, and he confirmed with heartfelt sadness that my uterus was indeed empty. We have never cried as hard as we did that day.
At some point during this trial of infertility, I forgot that God loves me. Heartache after heartache, I would pray and felt that He was just so distant and beyond my reach. Hard times often make people ask God why He is doing what He is doing. But God in His mercy did not let me think those thoughts for very long. I was reassured by the fact that my heavenly Father loves me with the same intensity today as He did when Christ died on the cross to redeem my soul. And though I had moments where I fell short of completely trusting the Lord, I was able to get through those difficult months with a sincere peace in my heart because I knew why He was leading me in this trial. Scripture makes it clear that all the things I may go through in this life are for my good and His glory. He does not sacrifice one purpose for the other. In His perfect plan, He always accomplishes both. He was not withholding something good from me; He was giving me something better! He was somehow using this trial to mold and shape my heart to look more like His. In His graciousness, He was simultaneously bringing Himself glory, and allowing me to be a part of that. All because I’m His girl and He loves me. As a follower of Christ, what more could I ask Him for?
At each new phase in treatment, Ryan and I would talk about whether we should continue seeing our doctor or switch gears and pursue adoption. Adoption was something that we have both had a heart for. We had talked about it since we were dating as something that we would love to do. We did not expect to take this road to get here, but God had other plans for us. After the miscarriage, we decided to leave the world of treatment behind, and pursue domestic infant adoption full force. We haven’t looked back! We have since been matched with a wonderful young woman, who is due in March. We are expectant parents through the beautiful gift of adoption, and could not be happier.
I have a lot to be thankful for this year. I’m thankful that God can turn our broken bodies and circumstances into something beautiful. I’m thankful that my heavenly Father is all for diversity in His family. He has made me His daughter through the gift of adoption, regardless of what color I am. And I’m so thankful that He is giving me a true life picture of His fatherly love, by allowing me to adopt a child of my own.
Valley of Vision is a collection of puritan poetry and prayers. There is one snippet that I continued going back to over the last few years, and I’d just like to close with that-
Thou hast led me on and I have found Thy promises true,
I have been sorrowful, but Thou hast been my help,
Fearful, but Thou hast delivered me
Despairing, but Thou hast lifted me up.